I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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