a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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