he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
