i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
