She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
