Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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