Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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