Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
