so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
