Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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