dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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