I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
