lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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