perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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