And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think my vagina is haunted
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
