He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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