Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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