my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
