After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
