quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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