I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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