I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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