How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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