This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
