My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
