My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.