i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.