Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.