:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
