You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no