I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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