i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
