I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
