i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
