i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
