you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
