I'm going to jail i love you
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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