I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
