did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
