Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
