cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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