You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she peed on how many people?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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