Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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