Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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