Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
