Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
