I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
