Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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