i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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