just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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