ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
