help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
