ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh god it's open bar.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
