this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
