At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
