ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
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Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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