Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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