It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
