Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
