I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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