so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
