I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
