I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
