i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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