Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
