I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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