in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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