Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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