i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
