I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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