NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
