Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
