i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
