thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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