So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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