I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
