bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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