She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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